


this hurt that im holding's gettin' heavy

by ginger__snapped



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Irondad, Tony's dead, a reconciliation in the afterlife, and peter's angry, but he still doesnt get to yet sorry, pls dont be mad at peter okay life hates him, sorry lads - Freeform, tony stark never got to see his kids together and i am Pissed about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25396006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger__snapped/pseuds/ginger__snapped
Summary: a meeting between peter and tony in the afterlife
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 27
Kudos: 99





	this hurt that im holding's gettin' heavy

**Author's Note:**

> title from comfort crowd by conan gray (one of my all time favorite songs holy shit yall it's so good)  
> //this hurt that I'm holding's gettin' heavy  
> but i'ma keep a smile on my shoulders 'til i'm sweaty  
> beggin' on my knees  
> screamin', "someone come and help me"  
> but by the time they're there  
> i've already hid the body//  
> anyway i really saw peter in this song for this fic so lmk if u feel it fits!!

Peter wakes up without pain. 

That’s an  _ instant  _ red flag, because that hasn’t happened since he was in his teens, and you really wouldn’t expect to wake up perfectly fine after getting shot in the chest. So he’s wary. 

And after he peels his heavy eyes open, he almost has an aneurysm, because he’s in Tony’s lab. 

He hasn’t been there since —

Peter squeezes his eyes back shut. 

“You’re not supposed to be here yet,” someone says, voice soft. 

It’s been ten years, but  _ fuck _ if Peter doesn’t recognize that voice. It haunts his nightmares, his dreams, his every waking moment. 

“You  _ left  _ me,” is all he says. It’s petulant and mean and his voice sounds  _ way  _ more broken than he would’ve liked it to, but it’s what he says. 

Tony hums. 

Peter still doesn’t open his eyes. He doesn’t know if he can. If he can face him again, after what happened, after  _ ten years _ . Ten years of pain, of guilt, of struggling. 

_ The light of the arc reactor going out, a stuttering breath, and then...nothing.  _

There’s a touch, feather light on his skin, but it  _ burns _ , and Peter’s reaction is instant, flinching away and eyes flying open. 

He freezes, eyes wide. 

It is Tony. Not like he doubted it, but...seeing him is entirely different from his voice. 

But he’s right there,  _ right in front of him.  _

He looks fine. Salt and pepper hair, close shaven beard, worn AC/DC shirt, and jeans. 

_ No blackened skin, burnt with the power of the universe.  _

He looks apologetic. 

Peter sits on his heels, digs his palms into his eyes. 

“What the fuck is going on.”

“You’ve managed to bring yourself close enough to an early death to see me.”

Peter doesn’t say anything. His eyes are still covered by his hands, eyes tightly closed. He can’t open them, doesn’t want to — seeing him  _ hurts.  _

“It’s not your time —”

“Oh that’s  _ rich _ , coming from you of all people,” Peter bites out, and regrets it. Tony goes quiet. 

Then his hands are wrapped gently around Peter’s wrists, tugging them from his eyes. 

Peter’s breath catches in his throat. 

“Why won’t you look at me?” Tony asks. His voice is sad, tinged with hurt. 

Peter knows he should, but he can’t. He can’t bring himself to open his eyes, to face Tony, to look him in the eyes. 

_ Eyes that went dark, staring unblinkingly into space.  _

He forces them open, because he can’t make Tony sad, no matter how angry he is. 

“Are you mad at me?” Tony asks. 

Maybe he is. Peter hates himself for it. 

“I couldn’t be. No matter how angry I get, I can never hate you.” 

“That isn’t what I asked,” Tony says easily. “But I get it.”

“Do you?” Peter shoots out, voice venomous. “Do you understand what it’s like to have...to have your entire life thrust out to the public eye, so then you become some kind of  _ symbol _ for the people, someone to throw their crushed expectations on?” He inhales sharply. “You don’t know what it’s like to have everyone in the world looking for you to become a copy of a man you barely knew.” 

It hurts both of them. It’s the first time Peter’s admitted that out loud. Because it’s  _ true.  _ They had, what, two years of knowing each other personally?  _ Maybe  _ one of working in the lab together? But then — those five years. Those years, where Tony…

“Yeah. Real nice of you to decide you loved me all that much after I died. Thanks for that.”

Tony is silent. Peter can’t bring himself to look at him. He’s being an asshole, he knows, but he can’t stop himself. 

“You’ve changed,” Tony says. It’s nothing more than a statement, no judgment, no anger, but it stings. 

“Yeah, no shit. That happens.”

“Peter,” Tony says, sighing. It hurts, hearing him use his name. “I’m sorry. Truly.” 

Peter doesn’t say anything. If he opens his mouth again, he’s either going to say something he’ll  _ severely  _ regret or start crying, and he doesn’t want to do either. 

“You’ve become so angry,” Tony says. Peter wants to retaliate, to defend himself, but Tony holds up a finger, so Peter doesn’t. “Which is understandable, I suppose. I didn’t think — I didn’t expect the world to cling so desperately to you. I didn’t realize — and I should’ve,  _ God,  _ I should’ve, that I would leave a void they expected you to fill. It wasn’t  _ right.  _ I just...I wanted so desperately for what happened to me to not happen to you.” He smiles ruefully, reaching out to cup Peter’s face, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. “I should’ve known. I should’ve known a lot of things, and I’m so sorry I didn’t.”

Peter swallows, squeezing his eyes shut again, willing away tears. 

“You changed, in those five years. With, uh, Morgan.”

Tony’s face lights up, a soft smile on his face. 

“She was the...the turning point. I loved you, Peter,  _ fuck _ , I did, even before Thanos. I just didn’t realize it. And when I held Morgan for the first time...I  _ knew.  _ It wasn’t the first time I’d felt that.”

That’s when Peter breaks down. He starts crying, silent tears, shoulders shaking. Tony pulls him into a hug, and,  _ oh.  _

“You’re dead,” Peter chokes out. “You’re dead and I never got to tell you I loved you.”

“I know,” Tony whispers. “I know and I’m so sorry, Pete. Our time was cut short, and there was  _ so much  _ I wanted to say. I never —” Tony pauses, inhaling shakily. “I never got to see my kids together.” 

Peter starts crying harder, head buried in the crook of Tony’s neck. 

“I love you,” Tony says. “I love you so much, and I wish I had said it sooner. I spent those years beating myself up over it, wishing I had done everything differently. You were — fuck, Peter, you were the best thing to happen to me after — after Steve. I just didn’t see it, and I’m so  _ sorry _ .”

“I forgive you,” Peter whispers. “I  _ miss  _ you.” 

Tony’s hand is threaded through Peter’s hair, holding the same way MJ would during his bad days. 

_ MJ. _

Peter sits back up, hand still clutching at Tony’s shirt. 

“I — where are we?” 

Tony shrugs, eyes carefully tracking Peter. 

“An in between, I suppose. Never believed in this stuff myself, but you needed someone to help you. So here I am.” 

“What happens next?” 

Another shrug. 

“It’s up to you,” Tony says. “You can choose to go back, or…”

“Or die,” Peter finishes. 

Tony closes his eyes, pursing his lips. 

“Or that,” he says, voice tight. 

Peter’s quiet for a moment. 

“What if I don’t want to go back?” he whispers. 

“I...I can’t stop you. But, Peter, please don’t…” He stops, smiling sadly, and gently grasps Peter’s hand. “It’s not your time,” he says. 

Peter swallows roughly, closing his eyes.

“Life isn’t done fucking me over yet, is it.”

When he opens his eyes again, Tony looks sad. 

“No. It never will be, but there are good things,  _ wonderful  _ things, waiting for you. You just gotta get up and give a big old fuck you to life.”

“But I miss you,” Peter says. It’s not much of an argument, he knows, because he’s got MJ and Ned, and May, and Pepper and Morgan, and the remaining Avengers, but…

Tony brushes a stray curl out of Peter’s eye, a wistful smile on his face. 

“I know it hurts, buddy, really. But...your time will come. You’ll see me again.”

“Promise?” 

“Of course.” 

Peter’s silent for a moment. 

“Why...why was it you? And not my parents? Or Ben?”

If Tony’s offended by the question, he doesn’t show it. 

“There were things that needed to be said, anger to be addressed. This is an issue I’m better equipped to deal with, I suppose.”

“Do you -- have you met them?”

Tony smiles, nodding. 

“They’ve come in to visit. Lovely people, all of them. Keep me company when I start to get really lonely. We, uh, we talk about you. Exchange stories. And...and Nat, too. She visits more often.” 

“I’m glad,” Peter says. He is, really and truly. It’s weird to think about, all of his parental figures meeting up and talking about him in the afterlife. Is that what this was? The afterlife? 

They’re sitting side by side, but Peter can feel Tony’s gaze on him, unwavering. 

“What?” he asks. 

“Just — looking.” Peter turns to face Tony. “I’ll miss you,” Tony says, smiling sadly. 

Peter swallows, blinking back tears. 

“You’ve grown so much. And you’ll grow so much more, but you gotta hold on, buddy. Promise me that?” 

“I promise,” Peter whispers.

It’s the second promise, sealing their fate. A lifetime of aching, of missing, of pain, but at the end… 

“We’ll meet again. And then we’ll have an eternity. You’ll be stuck with us forever.” 

Peter doesn’t respond, just throws himself into Tony, wrapping his arms around his waist. 

“I love you, Peter,” Tony whispers. Peter squeezes his eyes shut, breathing in the familiar scent of Tony — motor oil, aftershave, pine. The smell brings him comfort, a sense of peace. 

They hug for a long while, making up for the years of dancing around each other, of the years of anger and bitterness and self-loathing. 

They hug until Peter feels himself slipping, coming back to life, the ghost of a kiss pressed to his temple still lingering.

When he wakes up again, he’s crying. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! ily!!!  
> please let me know what you thought!!  
> my [tumblr!](https://ginger--snapped.tumblr.com/)


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